And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
