I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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