Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize