Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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