I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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