I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
