Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
