Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just gargled with NyQuil
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
