She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
