I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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