He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
