I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
In other news, I just burned my penis
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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