I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize