i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize