apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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