im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
