I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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