I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize