I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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