I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just forgot I was standing up.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
