If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize