Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
