The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize