glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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