Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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