You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i think i have two assholes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
