Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
