Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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