Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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