4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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