was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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