I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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