just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
