i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
