My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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