thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
