Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
