Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
