I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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