Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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