Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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