Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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