dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
