Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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