I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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