I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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