I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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