Actions speak louder than pants.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The uberlube is also flammable
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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