its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
