my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
