You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize