Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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