Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
