4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
