You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
