May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's blow job season.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All I want is dick and wine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize