roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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