We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
