Rock
Scissors
Fuck
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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