I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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