Buhtt sex?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
