feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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