He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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