I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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