just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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