I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
