So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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