How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
