my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
