I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
