A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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