Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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