Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
