Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
