I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
