ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
