Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
