what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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